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Sir, We Have an Orc Problem Turrets
Seven turrets and four abilities, with the numbers players have actually measured rather than the ones the store page implies.
All 4 Click Abilities and Their Damage Numbers
Missile launcher, strafing run, nuke and orbital cryo beam in Sir, We Have an Orc Problem: uses per map, damage, radius and how to budget them.
All 7 Turrets in Sir, We Have an Orc Problem
Max-level DPS, penetration, range and special behaviour for all seven turrets, from a player-measured stat sheet with the date it was taken.
Turret Roles: Power, Support and Cleanup Explained
Why stacking one turret type stalls out in Sir, We Have an Orc Problem, and how the power, support and cleanup split shows what your defence lacks.
The Upgrade Tree and How Much Grinding It Takes
Measured playtime from 600 Steam reviews, how the win-or-lose resource economy works, and the fastest way to fund the branches that actually scale.
Seven turrets, three jobs
The game gives you seven turret types and a meta-progression tree that upgrades them using resources from every run, won or lost. That last part is from Mumpitz Games' own store description, and it matters: a failed attempt is not wasted, so the correct response to a wall is usually to keep playing rather than to restart the level immediately.
What the store page does not tell you is that the turrets are not interchangeable damage sources. A player guide by itsuno and a longer strategy write-up on Steam both converge on the same framing: turrets fall into power, support and cleanup roles, and a defence built entirely from one role stalls out no matter how much you have upgraded it.
Why stacking your favourite turret stops working
Power turrets — cannon and laser — carry the raw damage. They have the pierce to cut through a column of orcs, but their fire rates are low enough that a handful of survivors walk straight past them.
Cleanup turrets — the gunner and the tesla coil — fire fast and reliably at whatever leaked. The tesla coil is the strongest of these because it aims through 360 degrees and chains between targets, so it does not care which direction the leak came from.
Support turrets — grenade launcher, mortar, flamethrower — do comparatively little damage but change how the wave moves. The grenade launcher slows by 60% and makes slowed orcs take 30% more damage. The mortar's knockback can physically hold a choke point shut. The flamethrower adds a damage amp and a chance not to consume pierce, which quietly makes every turret behind it better.
The numbers are player-measured, not official
Mumpitz Games has not published turret stats. Everything on the all turrets page comes from a stat sheet posted by the Steam user Mrlazy on 31 July 2026, and we label it that way on the page itself.
We have not independently verified those figures against the game build, and turret balance has already changed once — update 2026.08.02.13.35 shipped four days after launch. If you find a number that no longer matches, it is the sheet that is out of date, not you.
What is in this section
Start with all turrets if you want the raw stat table. Read turret roles if your defence keeps collapsing despite everything being upgraded — that is usually a composition problem rather than an upgrade problem. Read abilities if you are attempting the no-turret achievement, because that one is won entirely with the four click abilities.
What is not here
No upgrade-tree cost table and no per-level enemy counts. Both would need to be read out of the game build, and no source we consider reliable has published them. We would rather leave the gap than copy numbers from a site that cannot say where it got them.